Thursday, March 28, 2013

My rant novel, ravel.

es jueves errrrrbody. Good Friday is tomorrow everyone! and to my Jews, it's Passover, or it was passover, I'm not sure when it is or was, but happy passover nonetheless. So guess what, it's finally getting warm in the tundra I call home, shits melting all over the place and I can't keep my car clean. I can finally drive like I prefer, faster than 40 and signaling at my leisure past all these old, ugly, raggedy ass rusted minnesota janky cars. What is this....west Boca?

Did you hear? the Miami Heat's streak went down the toilet last night...and in case my newsfeed on facebook isn't already annoying enough with all your ugly baby pictures, grammatically incorrect insults to one another, and "selfies" (as they're so narcissistically termed)...I love the growing trend of hashtags everywhere. yes, yes I do. ie-

#miami #miamiheat #heat #heatnation #nba #basketball #teamwin #teamheat #bestteam #greatgame #stillontop #wegotthis #championship #lebron #6 #wade #3 #bosh #thisisjustthebeginning

that was one persons "status" HEY, THIS ISN'T INSTAGRAM, which is where that crap originated from...I think.

I'm all for a sarcastic hashtag here and there....I'm not even sure the reasoning behind it or why I think it's sometimes funny. Me, bursting with self confidence and security, don't find it necessary to create an account on instagram (which should be renammed to insecuritygram.....hashtag that) to post a bunch of filtered, blurry, dark, and 95% of the time not cute pictures, for what? so people can "follow" thanks, that's a crime in all states.

I don't understand. Keep insecuritygram over there, not on my facebook feed. yes, I can block you, but then where will I get all my material for facebook insults and blog postings?

Furthermore, I am concerned why everyone is so self involved. I mean, posting pictures if they're funny or unique is one thing. but come of you driving down the highway when I can see the reflection that you're more concerned that everyone sees your duck face than the road in front of you is just ridiculous. Or putting 47 hashtags for one picture is just absurd. No one needs that many, whats the purpose? just to piss everyone off? half of them are lies anyway. #beautiful #hot #cute no, none of those are true.
According to a 2012 Harvard study, 50% of auto accidents were caused by duckface pictures. #facts. I guess everyone being so self involved is better than everyone being negative or violent?

Have you ever watched "stalked" on the ID channel? you should. People are crazy. Pedophiles are real and all these pictures of your kids...ugh. gives me the heebie jeebies.

This is my formal platform for the ID Channel, I love this station and have a slight obsession with every show on it. I watch it at all hours of the day (they have no infomercials all night) and thoroughly enjoy all the shows. Watch a couple of those and maybe you'll stop inviting psychos to follow you. I grew up obsessed with rescue 911 and Unsolved Mysteries...the original shiz, fantastic.

So, what I'm saying is, I'm slightly paranoid... but hey, this is America, land of the free AND crazy. (we've got a moron running the country) This isn't the 80's, you can't sleep with the doors unlocked and trust thy neighbor. That neighbors plotting to kill you or sleep with your husband. Hold that gun close to you and be overly cautious. Dr. Phil wrote a book recently (and he quotes this shit every show--so annoying), we are living in a different world than before. Don't give people the benefit of the doubt. google that junk.

Somehow, I went from Miami Heat to Dr. Phil.

The moral of this story is, people need to cool it and use some common sense. and for the love of God, please go back to 7th grade English and learn the differences between there, their, and they're. I can't take it. I saw someone use where instead of wear this morning....come on.

ATLANTA, I'm coming to visit in 22 days. AUBURN, I'm coming to visit in 23 days.

I hope you enjoyed this rant novel today. Now, put your phone down and nose in a book!


This annoyed me this week:

Here's what made me laugh:

get it, get it

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Chello stalkers…How’s your Thursday going? Alllllllllllllllrighty then.

Well I’m getting ready for a much needed girls weekend up here in freezing Minnesota. I’m driving the whole 17 minutes to St. Paul to stay with my only female friend up here and another Atlanta friend is flying in today. Yippyyyyy skippy.

I’m cutting my hair today!!!!!!!!!!!!akjdhfkdhflakjhflkj ahhhhh

Also, it’s supposed to snow tonight or tomorrow 3-5 inches. Kill me.

OHHHHHH also, are you watching The Amazing Race? Well you should, my neighbors in Alabama are on it. WATCH IT OR ELSE. #vodka7up
guess which one they are 
hint: mullet

Im still fat.

I also got wind of my high school reunion today….it’s going to be the day after spanksgiving this year. WTF. Who plans it that close to the fattest day of the year? COME ON SHELLY.

I can’t wait to see all the people who are losers, uglier, fatter, and divorced. On the other hand, I feel 95% of my friends still look exactly the same. Like Kim, she’s still the size of a noodle, has close to no common sense, finally stopped working at those hooters-esq restaurants and hasn’t aged at all in the face, and of course, still has a long term boyfriend.

Beverly still looks Chinese even though she’s not, is batsh*t crazy and now she likes to knit---her future is looking bright and filled with cats. (also teaches ghetto kids, she's picking up some slang terminology so that, actually, is exciting). "she FINNA be a cat lady"
I still (of course) look like a F’n BOSS. a pale boss.

Or for instance Gina, she’s still giving off the lezbo vibe (refuses to wear makeup or women’s clothing), except now, she’s a cop…so that’s right on par.

Rebecca is exactly the same, she’s still the exact weight (I’d put all my chips on 107.3 lbs) as she was in 2003, except she’s married now …still wears the most ridiculous outfits that I don’t understand and baffles me when she’s the most religious Jewish lady I know then the most Cuban latino mama. MAZEL ese.
What I’m trying to say is, I love and miss all you broads and I don’t care if you're fat, lesbian, anorexic, or Buddhist...or ginger. I just don’t want to celebrate it the day after I’m in a sweaty south florida food coma. CRIGLER OUT.


Thursday, February 14, 2013

Shmalentines 2013

Well so far today, its 4:03pm CST, my boyfriend has gotton me a new car battery... it ended up costing $150. so. yea.

#carbattery #infinitig37

i dont even have twitter

that shiz is gonna last longer than your dumb roses and gross chocolates. The way to my heart is through carbs, jamba juice, sushi, and the beach.

3 posts in 2 days. Are you impressed? I am. #yougoglencoco

Heres what made me laugh today.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013


One more plug while I'm thinking about it...

In this economy, my job is great, I get to fill positions with A+ candidates, that being said... Someone you know, knows someone whos a said candidate, if it;s not you personally...

I need to fill the following positions. reach out to me if you're a perfecto fit or know somoene who is.

General Manager in Denver, CO (large home improvement company)- confidential search
Canvass Manager in Dallas, TX (large home improvement company)- confidential search
Sales Manager in Austin, TX (Renewal by Andersen- Austin)
In-Home Sales Rep (Renewal by Andersen- Dallas and Austin)

All of these are in the home improvement arena...its kinda our thing.

All our placements are for great, top-notch, reputable companies with great reputations.


all qualified peoples should email

gracias !!!!!!!!!


Its been 13 days. You're in for a treat my red headed step-child. I shall give you attention more frequent than 30-45 days. welcome.

In an effort to both maximize our companies following and get myself out there, I propose you check this out/follow/friend/stalk accordingly.

I love my job so CHECK THESE OUT OR ELSE.

Click for the Best Recruiters Ever

Lets Link Up
(do you see what I just did right there?) jeah.


this made me laugh today.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Im a bad blogger

I’ve been a bad blogger. I apologize to all my 3 readers. (I may be overshooting that by about 2)….

We moved!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had my 90 day review--Im amazing as usual, KK had his annual review--he got the highest score possible and got a raise, AND closed on the house in the same day. HALLELUJAH! RAWR.

I went Ice fishing.

I didn’t fall in and die….I’m pasty as FFFFFFF. I forgot what sunlight looks like…

I’m fatter than Roseanne Barr at her prime.


We’re having a Super Bowl party in the new casa!! I can’t believe the Falcons didn’t make it in. I’m pissed.

I’m hungry.


I love my job still.

Visit our website…. you’re welcome.


Have a great day. I promise to be more frequent, like the tides and menstration

Diet starts tomorrow.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

im back yo

I have been missing in action. Im busy working at my job--that I love. Still living in Minnestooooooooa. Supposedly its unusually warm, however, I think being in the teens is unusually cold and why do these freaks live here?

Holiday time goes fast and theres not much to update of tooooo much importance, other than Im still living here, I'm fat, Im finally getting a passport tomorrow, and flying to Alabama soon. OH, another fun fact. our neighbors in Daphne, AL are currently taping the season of "The Amazing Race" so that will be fun to watch on tv next year. I can't wait for the details, I'll get them over the Christmas vacation.

Speaking of Alabama, those redneck bastards are going to the National Championship game AGAIN. Miami better watch out. That city (as nasty as it is) mixed with those people, will be a mess. And as far as a cry that I think it is, I hope Notre Dame beats them.....fat chance. Like Notre Dame should even be in the game at all... anyone can be undefeated when they play little girly colleges. It should totally be bammers vs UGA. I'll stop this topic before I throw my laptop out the window. I cant stand bama.

OH and most sad of all....Auburn ended up only winning 3 games the entire year. We canned our lovely coach Gene Chizik and now we're trying to get out shiz lined up for next season, which gives us a small window of about 8 months to get someone great and get us back on track. Auburn has NEVER been so embarrassed in like a gillion years. something had to be done, so byebye Gene. I really liked Gene, he seemed right on track with the Auburn family and the meaning of Auburn. I read his book and thoroughly enjoyed it. He's a Southern, Christian family man and I feel there was nothing greater to represent our culture. Good luck in the future. War Eagle always.